Do you know what Covfefe means? Do you care? Do you think you already know? One way or the other, I’m going to tell you what it means. You may not agree and that doesn’t really matter because you’re wrong and I’m right. Or you don’t know and you’re about to find out. I’m right in that case too. Covfefe means you’re either dancing to the music or you’re with the band. I know, I know, this metaphor requires a more elaborate explanation. Bear with me.
Long before the now famous tweet that has forever engraved this new entry into the cultural lexicon, Covfefe was on full display when, on January 22nd of this year, President Donald Trump tweeted out praise for the high viewership of his inauguration. This declaration immediately became the main focus of much debate and mockery, indeed it was the only focus of debate and mockery for days and days on end. Hell, bring it up now and get the debate and mockery started again, it won’t be difficult. It’ll be easier than discussing tax reform and healthcare reform and so on. And that’s what Covfefe is. Allow me to explain.
A little backstory is necessary, I’ll set the scene.
The day after the tweet regarding his inaugural viewership, President Trump drove a stake through the heart of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, a massive, international grab bag of corporate welfare and cronyism. This act in and of itself was and still is a bit of an enigma. Let’s face the facts: for most of his career, President Trump was the poster boy for cronyism, his aptitude at enriching himself by way of tax loopholes is the stuff of legend. This seeming contradiction aside – a crony capitalist lashing out against crony capitalism – there was more at work than a tweet loaded with braggadocio on the eve of the death of NAFTA on steroids. What was it? Well, it was Covfefe.
At this point you might be losing interest in this article. I get it, it comes across as clickbait, but it’s not. There’s a point. I will get around to the definition of Covfefe, I promise.
On April 8th it was reported that the carrier group the Carl Vinson was en route to the Korean Peninsula to act as a check against aggression from Pyongyang. Much to the delight of President Trump’s numerous detractors, it was reported only a few days later that no, the Carl Vinson carrier strike group was not, in fact, approaching the Korean Peninsula. This, of course, was ample evidence for the naysayers that President Trump is inept, that his mouth got out in front of the facts, a development the mainstream media would have us believe isn’t at all surprising.
Or was it Covfefe?
You’ve waited long enough, if you’re still reading, that is. If you’re still with me, I’ll assume you want to know what Covfefe is, I also assume you’re strangling your laptop or cell phone or tablet computer and screaming in a fit of unsatisfied rage. Here it comes. Are you ready?
Covfefe was no accident as the mainstream media and President Trump’s haters would have us believe. It was no unvetted episode of keyboard mashing in the heat of the moment. Sure, that’s a plausible explanation if you presuppose President Trump’s stupidity. It’s a bit of a stretch though. The president’s detractors would have us believe he is both an incompetent and lecherous buffoon, one incapable of tying his shoes without assistance from a harem of buxom shoe-tiers. On the other hand they want us to believe he is a master showman, one adept at manipulating public opinion by way of a persona carefully crafted over decades of time spent on television and splashed across the covers of Fortune Magazine and Playboy and the like.
They can’t have it both ways. He’s either a moron or a mastermind. A moron who managed to build a multi-billion dollar family business and climb to the top of the political mountain with zero political experience? I think not. The moron theory carries little water. Morons climb to the top of the mountain in movies like Forrest Gump and Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle. Morons don’t successfully navigate oceans of red tape and tax law and build enormous fortunes by sheer force of will and cunning. Morons don’t defeat seventeen challengers to become the most powerful man in the world.
President Trump is a mastermind. Every hair of his mane is groomed to perfection before he makes a public appearance. He’s not going to drop a tweet without knowing exactly what he’s doing. Covfefe was no accident.
Covfefe was a stroke of genius. Covfefe was a deliberate distraction, a little nonsense to keep the trolls and libtards frothing at the mouth while the man was busy doing a man’s work. With one bit of gibberish, he kept everyone busy looking right when they should have been looking left. Classic misdirection and showmanship.
He kept them busy late in January with nonsensical conversations about television viewership and crowd sizes while he was killing the TPP. While people were debating exactly how out of touch a president must be to lose a carrier strike group, he was doing what no president has done in six decades: confront the threat of the North Korean menace and declare an end to the era of strategic patience with the Kim dynasty.
While the Left was busy foaming at the mouth over a tweet, he was preparing the withdrawal of the United States from the Paris Climate Accord. While everyone was busy obsessing over petty chickenshit he was doing the job required of the most powerful man in the world. While the Left was playing small ball, he was hitting a grandslam out of the park. Again.
With one made up word, Covfefe (are you sick of reading it yet?), he made them look small and now he appears even more tremendous. He threw out some bait and the Left fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. It’s a thing of beauty and I’m almost hesitant to publish this article because I don’t want them catching on. But it doesn’t matter, does it? Even with such a simple answer to such a meaningless quandary, the Left won’t accept it. President Trump must be a moron. Despite his accomplishments, such as obliterating Obama’s miserable eight year legacy within less than three hundred and sixty-five days, he must be a moron.
And so they damn themselves to making the same mistakes. They damn themselves to at least three more years of falling for Covfefe. They damn themselves to years of dancing to the maestro’s tune like a pack of retarded monkeys. I’m fine with that. I like Covfefe. I love Covfefe. It’s a rallying cry. You either get it or you’re conned by it and that reveals a beautiful irony: The people who claim President Trump is a master conman are incapable of recognizing they’ve been conned by him.
I hope they never catch on. Dance monkeys! Dance!!!